You know, growing up was something that always scared me. I was always petrified at the thought that someday I would have to get a job and live by myself. Quite frankly, the thing that scared me was the thought of all that responsibility, having to take care of myself and succeed in life.
Now, I'm not my brother, who had his career planned out at the age of fifteen and blazed through high school into the Computer Sciences major at RIT. He never had to think too much about it. His passion can be fed throughout college and it can sustain him throughout the rest of his life. He'll get a job right out of college and be well off for the rest of his life.
He was ready for adulthood before he entered high school. Now, I'm seventeen, turning eighteen this December, and I still feel very much like a child. I have decided my college major, but have no clue what I will do after college. I had spent the first two years of high school trying to excel academically and succeeding. I played sports in the fall, winter and spring, and skied in the winter between hockey.
Fall was mountain biking with kids three years my junior and occasionally some several years my senior. Skiing and hockey dominated the winters. Skiing was a couple Sundays during the winter with parents and siblings and hockey was the rest of the time. Once the season actually started, it was a game every Wednesday and Saturday and two hour practices on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday right after school. The girls I play with are the ones I was friends with when I was ten, but we now dwell in very different social circles and I don't really fit in with them. In addition, The hockey season takes up more than half of the school year and prevents me from participating in any of my clubs during that time.
Rugby on the other hand, is my favorite sport. Not just because of playing the sport itself, but also because of my teammates and coach. Practice is twice a week and there is a game once a week. My teammates are people who I would actually choose to hang out with, and already do with some of them. Practice is just as fun as playing in the game and my coach is the best. He is from England and he has the best bloody accent ever.
Anyway, that really turned out pretty long, but the point is that since I crammed social interaction and hobbies around sports, which always had to take precedence, I always kind of felt defined by the sports and the good grades. In short, I was the "good girl" the one who was smart and did sports. The one who said no to drugs and drinking. The one who was never invited to raves and who didn't even have a cellphone. The one whose friends all grew apart, but now has new ones who are crazy awesome.
High school was easy, so I never grew up.
Now, I am half way around the world on Rotary Youth Exchange in Tartu, Estonia. I have another blog documented want I do here, but it isn't the things that really matter. Those things are inside of me and now I am committing them to words.
Exchange is supposed to be about coming to understand another culture, to learn another language. To me, those play second fiddle. I am out here, beyond my family's reach to find myself. There is no other reason. I indulge my hobbies and myself and learn more about myself every day.
I think that when I return home, I will not be anywhere near the same person I was. This blog is my recording of the changes that I can feel occurring inside of me. These are the real testimonials of my year and may possibly continue beyond it.
